Surly Gurlies 237, TRD Furious Truckstop Waitresses 74

The Surly Gurlies trounced the Furious Truckstop Waitresses of Tucson Roller Derby, 237-74, on Saturday in Phoenix in an Arizona State Roller Derby Conference game.

The pirates in red held FTW to just 22 points in the second half of the bout, and the strong stable of jammers allowed them to cruise to the 163-point differential.

Rumors of trash-talking abounded the week leading up to the bout, and both teams were observed jabbering on the track. But the Surly defense — led by Book ’em Betty, who had publicly announced her retirement from skating earlier that day — made sure FTW had nothing to talk about.

Surly newcomer Hannah Barbaric opened up the game with a 20-point jam, and Tucson appeared to catch some momentum when Zippy’s Takeout had a 13-point jam. But she was injured on the play and didn’t jam again in the first half. FTW failed to capitalize on early power jams, until K’mean Streak skated to 24 points late in the first half.

Tucson’s attempt at defense against Surly jammer Luz Chaos was to use their tallest players to block against the smaller skater, but that didn’t work. Chaos led all jammers with 73 points in the bout, including five double-digit jams.

Meanwhile, the Surly defense was strong throughout the game. Book ’em Betty, The Violator, The Grave Little Toaster, H-Face Killa and Evol Em made the FTW jammers look like pinballs from repeated hits as they tried to work through the pack.

Even jammer Luz Chaos got in on the defensive action. Late in the first half Sinn A Buns squeaked out of the pack to earn lead jammer status, but Chaos caught up and laid a big hit on the Tucson jammer to overtake her. Neither scored points in the jam, but winning the jammer-on-jammer action proved good for Surly morale — and the Phoenix crowd love it.

It was Pushy Tushy who had a game-high 25-point jam for the pirates early in the second half. She finished with 52 points overall, while Hannah Barbaric had 49, Carbomb-ya had 45 and The Prim Reaper added 14.

For Tucson, notable efforts included K’mean Streak with 28 points, Pick Onia Pie with 20, and Zippy’s Takeout with 15. Dirty Dutchess provided strong defense.

In the final jam of the game and her career, Book ’em Betty donned the star panty and took lead jammer status. But she spent almost the whole jam defending against FTW jammer K’mean Streak before scoring four points and calling the game.

— PulHitzHer Prize

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