Bad News Beaters 349, Dirty Verde Roller Derby 88
After a while, you run out of things to say about a team that beats its opponents by a season average of 181 points. “Undefeated,” “defensively strong,” “offensively explosive” — no words seem to adequately explain the sheer dominance of a team performing at its peak.
So here are the basics: AZRD’s Bad News Beaters defeated Dirty Verde Roller Derby “and friends,” 349-88, in an Arizona State Roller Derby Conference bout on Saturday in Mesa.
And while it might be worth it to describe the trajectory of the game — Beaters started off with a 70-0 run, racked up 200 points by halftime and sealed the deal with a 25-point power jam — the best way to describe the team’s efforts is to explain its balance.
There was balance in the offense: Of the 12 rostered players, nine of them jammed and all of them scored in double-digits. Even players who don’t jam frequently, like Whoop C, were turning in impressive performances.
There was balance in the defense: Opposing jammers were ping-ponged from one Beater blocker to another, with no weak link available to break through. Players, like Loco Lena, known for their offense shifted focus to throw some momentum-stopping blocks.
There was balance between vets and newcomers: New Beaters Kitch Slap and Vicky Ticky Time Bomb saw a lot of track time but were always paired with veteran skaters to learn how to work within the blue pack.
There was even balance in the team’s demeanor, as penalties were kept to a minimum and Beater jammers only gave up four power jams to DVRD’s nine.
Back to the numbers. The Beaters were led by Sigmund Droid with 79 points, Whoop C with 54, Dee Troit with 48 and Ginger “Reeking” Havoc with 45. DVRD’s high scorer was Ghostface Crilla with 56 points, while Holly Ween had 14 and Shana Banana Hammock had 13. DVRD was led defensively by Juana Ash Kickin’ and Joya Destroya.
— PulHitzHer Prize